I have a column out today about why I hate the environment so much. You can find it here: column
The environment: I hate it a whole lot
Issue date: 4/1/09
I’m really getting tired of environmentalists. They’re causing hysteria over global warming, which is really an avenue for socialism and government takeover. They stunted our economic growth last summer with high gas prices because they wouldn’t let us drill. At the same time, they’ve blocked real clean and alternative energy solutions – such as clean coal, nuclear power and hydrogen – that could solve our problems.
And don’t get me started on global warming. Never mind that it snowed in March; I don’t even understand how CO2 has become the villain in all this. Plants like it. I doubt it’s even real. It’s probably just a carbon molecule Photoshopped next to two oxygen molecules.
Yet incompetents keep moaning, “Well then, how come Venus is hotter than Mercury, even though Mercury is closer to the sun? It’s because Venus has so much carbon in the atmosphere.” Um, no – Venus is actually hotter than Mercury because it’s named after a sexy Greek goddess. Mercury is named after a fruit loop with wings. If it gets hot, find some shade, or buy a swimming pool. If you don’t like how this planet is run, try another one and compare.
What about clean coal? People say it doesn’t exist and won’t work any time soon. I will stun you on this one, so brace yourself, eco-nuts: If coal companies are spending all this money advertising clean coal, just imagine how much more is going into developing it. It’s OK, you can fall backward from relief, I’ll catch you.
Look at what we’re investing in now thanks to these kooks – big wind and big solar are buying out our politicians while nuclear and hydrogen get the pennies left over in the tip jar. There hasn’t been a nuclear meltdown in a long time; we can store the waste safely; and I’ve heard hydrogen doesn’t explode.
But the environmentalists keep begging to put more money into projects they say will save the world. What is it with this Purple Line business? Why would anyone want to take a ride on some trolley with wheels? I have a car. I like to drive. Instead of trying to build a train that no one wants to ride, how about we build some more roads so more people can drive to work faster? It has a proven record of relieving gridlock for 50 years, and therefore emissions will go down with less congestion.
Finally, green jobs. What the hell are those? Enviros like to claim that building and installing windmills will create more jobs than building a coal plant. Instead of digging a hole in the ground with a shovel, I could give 10 people teaspoons to do it. That would create more jobs, but it doesn’t make it the better option.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I think it’s important that we protect our environment. However, I also believe that we need to strike a balance between the economy and the economy. When we only focus on the environment, we hurt the economy. During the George W. Bush years, we invested more money than ever before in renewable energies such as corn-based ethanol, and the economy got worse.
Al Gore and his gang are all fools, I tell you. Fools.
Matt Dernoga is a junior government and politics major. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org